One big night out, complete with excessive drug consumption, has set me back again. I spent the last couple of days in bed; time off I can ill afford as it is a peak period at work.
When will I learn?
It was a strange night out. The club that I went to had a three dimensional theme night. I haven't worn a pair of 3D glasses since the 3D version of The Wizard of Oz came out when I was a child. The blurred vision that amphetamines produce, to me, seemed to negate the 3D effect.
I start my seven week course this Saturday, so it is a major imperative that I get my shit together. If I get into University next year I'm going to have to stay completely sober.
My body aches and feels depleted. I feel older than I actually am. A muscle in my neck feels as if it is clamped in the jaws of a gigantic bulldog clip. I feel empty spiritually, physically and mentally. A loss of hope is only an ambulance ride away.
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People say life is short. That isn't true at all. Life is so long that we don't have a moment to waste. Without forgiveness and loving kindness. Life is so long that without spiritual practice, very few people are alive enough to die on their deathbeds. Most people have died years and years before. We've denied so many parts of our true nature, so many parts of our heart. It's phenomenol how much we have died. Death isn't the problem; the problem is how dead we lived. (Anon)
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