Monday, May 01, 2006


Someone with the necessary minerals calls things as they really are. And, what's more, he said these things in front of the president and his whole entourage:

"Mrs. Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Mr. President and first lady, my name is Stephen Colbert and it's my privilege tonight to celebrate our president. He's not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say I did look it up, and that's not true. That's [right?], but you looked it up in a book.

Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I own the copyright on that term."

And then, some more:

"I haven't. I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he has stood on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world."

Then he addresses the media who were also in attendance:

"But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew."

Update: If you'd like to see the video footage of the above address click here.

Update 2: I just watched the full video myself - it bites much deeper than the few quotes that I've provided indicate. There are a lot of uncomfortable people in that room. It is just the way I like it.


MrLefty said...

Have you never watched The Colbert Report?

Get thee to a torrent, stat!*

*This anonymous person does not endorse the use of torrents.

Don Quixote said...

I've heard many a good review of The Colbert Report, but sadly I’ve only seen snippets of it on American liberal blogs.

And, I've heard many a good thing about torrent. But don't you need some super-duper high-speed connection to download stuff through torrent? I'm not sure that the regular broadband that I have at home would allow me to download information in a practical amount of time.

Arthur_Vandelay said...

Dispatches from the Culture Wars has more grabs from the Colbert appearance.


"reality has a well-known liberal bias."

"I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq."

"Fox believes in presenting both sides of the story -- the president's side and the vice president's side."

"When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday."

some girl said...

So does that mean that you don't watch The Daily Show? Because, that my friend, is a crime. You are missing out on some high quality angry John S. and endless jocularity.

PS. Why is there the handicapped symbol next to the word verification box?

Don Quixote said...

You have to understand, Somegirl, that I live in Australia. Land of petticoats and walking canes. Land of steam powered trains and wooden toys.

I only get five free-to-air television programs at home and none of them provide your fancy American programming.

audrey said...

But we still get your insightful and clever blogs daily Don...

Don Quixote said...

Insightful and clever? I aim for punctuated sentences with capital letters following the full stops - that is as close to insightful and clever as I'm likely to get.

By the way, what is that disabled sign doing next to the word verification box?