I'm continually frustrated by my inability to produce anything of worth. I have ideas that I think are worthwhile; my mind even sometimes journeys to a plain that I find impressive. But, when it comes to articulating those ideas I'm encumbered by a horribly under-fed education, a lack of time for contemplation and, let's face it, a lack of talent.
Picture, if you will, a massive funnel. Its wide open mouth is looking heavenward, gazing towards the blue skies of knowledge. At the bottom of the funnel is a tiny, almost nonexistent hole. As the skies give way to the dark thunder heads of stormy fact, a deluge of enlightenment rains down. The open mouth of the funnel, which is my mind, manages to catch a significant portion of the deluge: philosophies, theories; the liquid drops of thought. Unfortunately the funnel's thirst far exceeds its capacity to ingest - the water is unable to pass through its narrow throat.
A frustratingly small drizzle of thought manages to get through, and ends up as the petty meanderings that make it into this diary.
What then of the slowly filling funnel? What if its contents spill? Madness?
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2 comments:
dude, happens to all of us... are you really going to beat yourself up for having 18 kajillion thoughts? because then all of us need to set aside about 4 hours per day to self-flog for that 'crime'.
if we were all perfectly at ease with verbal expression, well.. gawd, think about that for a moment. everyone would say everything exactly as it should be said.. there would never be any sort of misunderstanding, and we'd all be excruciatingly eloquent. everyone could blah-blah about the world with complete clarity.
shit, that would take the fun out of everything wouldn't it? :P
and beyond the expression itself, to channel that into writing, well, that's torture for the best of the lot.
it's an easy out to blame the education factor... to be fair, it can go either way. formal education can restrict how you communicate, funnelling it into a sort of academically-approved mould. there tend to be more filters installed in how you express things, which can both serve to 'clean things up' or sanitize them beyond any sort of character.
It is not really the kajillion thoughts that distress me, it is my inability to disseminate them adequately. I have a grand picture in my mind and I'd love to be able to paint a picture of it with words but, alas, my brushstrokes are awkward and the end result does not match the original conception.
I blame the education factor so that I don't have to confront my lack of ability - it is that simple. But it is true that my earlier years saw me miss out on the formative period of school, hence missing out on schooling in the 'nuts and bolts' of the English language.
But it is nice, sometimes, to delude one's self, no? :)
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