Thursday, July 28, 2005

What if?

What if I did something awful at the start of this year? What if I committed an act so terrible, so despicable that I can't even bear the idea of writing it directly, in a diary that nobody I know reads? What if there are some things that a person cannot take back? What if I deserve every shitty thing that has happened to me, with interest?

What then?


Anonymous said...

if you're smart, you face it, accept it and learn from it.

I stop short of saying you should make up for it, because let's face it, we've all done horrible things at some point and due to that shitty-for-you-great-for-me self-preservation instinct none of us are really going out of our way to fix things. that would take "admitting I did something shitty" to the level of "showing the world I'm an asshole". who wants to do that?

and maybe, just maybe, Karma will eventually chomp you well and good in the ass to even things up.

shhh... something I don't want to post on my blog? every once in a while I peek at my phenomenally-assaholic ex's online journal that I discovered post-breakup. he posts almost nothing, but his friends do... and this is how I discover he's sleeping with a 40 year old. former prostitute. stripper. and she's pregnant! and his family is furious!

I bet they wish now they hadn't convinced me not to press charges, they might've preferred him to be rotting in jail right about now.

sadly I think his world is a moral island, and an oblivious mind will never learn anything, anyhow.

smarter people know better. I'm guessing by the tone of remorse you might just be one of them :)

- livi.

Anonymous said...

sorry I meant an amoral island. ;)

Elevatorstars said...

Here's my generic thought about what you've (not) written:
There are always things that at the time, you do things you can't take back. At the time they feel like terrible things. Sometimes though, depending on what you've done/want to do, whatever it is only seems bad to you and no one else. Other times, yeah, I do think there's something about the whole karmic retribution thing. No one deserves anything shitty to happen to them though. It may sound trite, but believe me I've been there and back, and ultimately you have to look at your actions and see if there's something you can learn from it, even the bad things. Even the horrible things.

Don Quixote said...

I agree with both of you that the only positive you can draw from a terrible mistake is that of a lesson learnt.

The problem as I see it is that there is a difference between being smart enough to learn a lesson and strong enough to put what you have been taught into practice.

When you think about it - 'amoral' or simply 'a moral' would both actually work.