Monday, May 02, 2005

Long time between drinks..

It has been a long time between entries. So much has happened yet so little of real significance. Perhaps that is a cop-out as I fear that the important things I will always manage to neglect when making enteries in my blog.
Hmmm... Where to start? My period of self enforced abstinance (from drugs, alcohol, now even cigarettes!) continues. I have lost count of how long it has been but it is somewhere in the order of 11 weeks. Quitting smoking has been the biggest triumph. My mental health has gained from the lack of brain hammering from cutting out mind altering substances. I'm looking on the world with clarity and some sort of comprehension. And yet... Something is still missing? I can't put my finger on it but I need to discover it soon. Otherwise I will wake up tomorrow and be 40 and still be pondering what I should have done with my life.
Is my crisis (is that word to dramatic for a life that is blurring into mediocrity and obscurity) one of the soul, one of the mind or one of direction? I know there are definitely things I need to do to be heading in the right direction; saving money, studying something fulfilling at Uni, questioning my existance (which I guess I am doing here) and meeting someone nice, amongst the foremost.
I feel like I could tackle full time education at this stage - I'm focused and ready for some sort of mental challenge. I should have inserted "getting up to date at work" amongst the things that I need to do in order to head in the right direction, but I digress - I COULD handle study now that I'm free of vice temporarily.
Man, I really have come a long way if I think about it and I really should give myself some credit. 6 months ago I was a babbling, drug swilling mess. I guess I need to focus on further positive progress so I don't head back in that dark direction. So this week I'm going to attempt to focus for 5 days straight on working hard, reading the paper, reading my books, walking (which is important because it is the only thing that makes my increasingly sore back feel better) and getting a good amount of sleep. The other thing I need to change is my diet - I have always, and continue to, conumed a lot of crap food. This must change in order for me to feel good during the day.
I have been reading a lot lately and I'm currently engrosed in a book called "Novemeber 1916" by Alexandr Solzhenitsyn. It is a part fiction, part non fictional account of the 1st world war and its effects on Russia and the later implications that it had for the revolution soon to follow. When I read about history I'm just in awe of the amazing things that have happened and momentous events that shape our living world today. The fact that someone like Solzhenitsyn can conjure up all those ghosts of the past and put such a complex and massive period into an entertaining and understandable format just amazes me. I'm in awe.
Ok, that is all for tonight (rathe abrupt ending really) as it is late and I need to save more to write about tomorrow.

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