Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Oh brother, where art thou?

I had another strange dream last night. In it I found myself living with my estranged brother and his wife. I haven’t exchanged a word with my brother in a very long time, and the dream seemed to be a personification of all the reasons for this. My dream revealed a brother who was continually telling me what to do and trying to set limitations on my activities; basically he was being the same old tight-arse that has always made him repulsive to me in waking life.

Thoughts, or in this case dreams, about my brother always stir up mixed emotions in me. I should qualify by saying that he is actually my half-brother from my dad’s previous marriage. Pondering my brother, I find myself hoping that I’ll never end up as repressed as he is and sad that I’ll never have a real sibling.

I have a half-sister, too, that engenders almost exactly the same feelings in me. She is a missionary in Borneo, converting the last known tribes to Christianity. I have exactly zero things in common with my missionary sister and secret agent brother. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my brother is some sort of intelligence operative. I’d elaborate more on what he does, but I only hear second hand stuff from my dad, and I suppose he wouldn’t be much of an intelligence officer if outsiders knew his activities.

What would my life be like if I had grown up with a brother or sister? Maybe I’d be a more confident person. They say that only-children either end up highly successful or pitifully hopeless. Apparently the competition and social engagement that a sibling brings about enhances the lives of those lucky enough to have one. Looking around at friends that have close siblings I think that might be true. It would be nice to have someone to share a blood bond with, someone that is not a lover and yet cares about me deeply. It would be nice to have someone to feel protective over.

2 comments:

elevatorstars said...

I can totally relate. In January it'll be 3 years since I last saw my brother. The competition thing though between siblings..I dunno..I kinda felt competitive with my brother, but I reached a point where I just didn't care anymore. But he's never let go of the competitiveness, and he's 5 years older than me. That being said..we were the types of siblings that were protective of each other and had almost everything in common. *shrug*

My point is I understand :P

Don Quixote said...

I guess blood ties aren't always enough. I think it must have been 15 years since I exchanged more than a sentence with my brother.